im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
