that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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