K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
