Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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