I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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