i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
