no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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