you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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