Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
