the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
