Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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