your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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