Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
