Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
