Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I could make wine with my vomit
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
