dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
