i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
