I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize