she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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