Got a toothbrush?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
