im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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