Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
