we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i was born a porn star she said
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
