I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
