Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
