I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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