Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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