I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
