Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
