i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize