Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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