She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
