I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
