She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
