I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
