I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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