..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
