At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
