Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
