i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
