I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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