I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
