Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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