I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
