help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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