Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i will never coherently bang her
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
