Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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