I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
