if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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