dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
no, he came in my armpit
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
