so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
