I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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