just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
