As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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