Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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