we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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