how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
