Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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