I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
