Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
wow bdsm is so cute
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