There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
