Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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