guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
