so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
