Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
this just has baby written all over it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I want to fling myself into the sun
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
