I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The power of my boobs compel you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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